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भारतीय बगुला भगत

September 11, 2016

किसी महान और साधारण व्यक्ति में एक अंतर होता है, वह अंतर ये है कि साधारण मनुष्य की बात क्षणिक होती है, वहीं महान मनुष्य की कही हुई बात अमर हो जाती है.

ऐसे हीं महान मनुष्य की श्रेणी में रहिमन ऊँचे पायदान पर बैठे हैं. उन्होनें नें एक दोहा लिखा है.

“रहिमन इस संसार में भांती भांती के लोग”

एक बार की घटना है, मैं दिल्ली में वसंतविहार में आईसीआईसीआई बैंक के शाखा में किसी काम से गया. अब अकसर ऐसा होता है कि कुछ समझदार महापुरुष कलम मांगते मिल जाते हैं. ऐसे हीं एक महानुभाव नें मुझ से कलम उधार मांग लिया. भाई साहेब कलम ले कर भूल गये कि ये किसी और का है, और दर्जन के हिसाब से बैंक के कागज भरने लगे. लगभग बीस मिनट की प्रतिक्षा के बाद मैंने अपनी कलम मांगने की हिम्मत जुटायी. महानुभाव ने तपाक से मुझे सलाह दिया ‘अपना कलम क्युं नहीं लेके आते’. फिर मैंने याद दिलाया कि जो कलम उनके हाथ में है वो मेरी हीं है. फिर कहीं कलम वापस मिला.

ऐसे लोग होते हैं ‘बगुला भगत’, ये लोग आपको भ्रष्टाचार पर घंटो ज्ञान दे सकते हैं, और खास बात ये कि यह भाषण खत्म होने के अगले दो मिनट के अंदर किसी लाल बत्ती तोड़ने के लिये रोके जाने पर ट्राफिक हवलदार के जेब में बीस रुपये डालते दिख जायेंगे.

बिजली बिल जमा करने जायेंगे और लंबी लाईन देखते हीं चपरासी से जुगाड़ भिड़ायेंगे ताकि लाईन में लगना ना पड़े. दूध में पानी मिलायेंगे, बिजली के मीटर को उलटा घुमवायेंगे, अवैध निर्माण करवायेंगे, आवासीय इलाके में व्यापार चलायेंगे, टैक्स चोरी करेंगे, एक करोड़ का फ्लैट खरीदेंगे और चालीस लाख का बतायेंगे, अस्सी साल की अम्मा के नाम से पैसे को सफेद करेंगे, ट्रेन टिकट ना मिलने पर दलाल को ढूंढते पाये जायेंगे, नाकारा बेटे के नौकरी के लिये लाखों देने की बात करते मिलेंगे, फिर किसी लड़की के बाप से उस पैसे को सूध समेत दहेज मांगते मिलेंगे.

ऐसे बगुला भगत ‘भ्रष्ट नेता’ विषय पर पगुराई करते मिल जायेंगे, इनके घर के सामने का कूड़ा न उठे तो ये प्रधानमंत्री को गाली देंगे, उसके अगले पल किसी सफेद दिवार पर पान थूंकने में बिल्कुल नहीं चूकेंगे.

भारत देश के अंदर ऐसे बगुला भगत बहुतायत में मौजूद हैं, ऐसे हीं लोग आपको आम आदमी पार्टी की तारीफों के पुल बांधते मिलेंगे ये बात अलग है कि यही महापुरुष सरकारी जमीन केजरी टोपी पहन कर हथिआयेंगे.

अब आपसे कभी कोई बगुला भगत टकड़ा जाये और झेलने की सीमा लांघ चुके हों, ऐसे में मजे लेने के लिये दर्पण दिखाइये और फिर आनंद लीजिये. बस टोकिये ‘इस साल कितना कर जमा करवाया’, फिर देखिये इनकी तिलमिलाहट.

कुछ साल हो गयें, ऐसे हीं लोग अन्णा टोपी पहन कर ईमानदारी का साटीफिटिक बांट रहे थे, हर नेता चोर, हर पुलिसवाला बेईमान, हर सरकारी अधिकारी बिकाऊ, और ईमानदारी का ठेका लिया था फर्जी बिल भाड़ने वाले एक्टिविस्टों नें. ये वही लोग थे जिनको छपास की बिमारी होती है, अखबार के किसी कोने में इनका नाम छपता रहे, ये लोग अखबार की कटिंग काटते रहेंगे और बकैती करते रहेंगे. अब अन्ना हजारे को देख लीजिये, पूरा गांव शरद पवार का मतदाता है, खुद ट्रक चालक से रिटायर हुये, परन्तु आसमान के नीचे उपस्थित हर बात पर इनके पास रेडीमेड उत्तर है. इनके बहाने गांव में ताश खेलता हुआ रालेगन सिद्धी का हर पुरुष नीति आयोग की अध्यक्षता कर सकता है.

ऐसे हीं कोई समाज सेवी दिल्ली जैसे शहरी इलाके में बैठ के किसान संगठन चलाता मिलेगा तो कोई गरीब बच्चों की तस्वीरें दिखा के चंदा बटोरता मिलेगा.

चंदा है तो धंधा है ये।
गंदा है पर धंधा है ये ।।

अब अगर सही में इमानदार सरकार आ जाये फिर तो इनकी खैर नहीं, कहां बीस रुपये में रेड लाईट बपौती और कहां हजार का हरा पत्ता रशीद के साथ कट जाये. तो असलियत यही है कि ऐसे लोग सही में अच्छी सरकार की कामना नहीं करते. इनका अपना दर्शन है ‘कार्य हो ना हो, कार्य का फिक्र जरूर हो, फिक्र हो न हो, जिक्र जरूर हो’.

आशा करते हैं कि तमाम बगुला भगतों की फौज भारत में उपस्थित होने के पश्चात भी हम आगे बढ पायेंगे, इसके लिये जरुरी है कि आपको जहां कोई बगुला भगत मिले, उसकी चोंच पर एक दर्पण बांध दें ताकि जब जब वो धाराप्रवाह गाली दे किसी को, अपना थोबड़ा उसे ये याद दिलाता रहे कि वह एक “बगुला भगत” है.

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